Big Trouble in Little China

Our office 'In Emergency of Fire' meeting-point is currently on fire. Perhaps, in hindsight, it would have been sensible not to have choosen a wooden pagoda near various flaming-wok restaurants in Chinatown for this purpose.

You better watch out

Two evenings ago, I was walking home from work and, on an unlit patch of pavement very near my front door, nearly trod on some used syringes. 'Fine', I thought, 'this arrangement is probably fairly safe, unless someone else decides to leave a pile of banana skins right next to the syringes. In which case it could be potentially dangerous'.

Imagine my shock when I noticed that someone HAD left a pile of banana skins next to the used syringes. I began to think that this whole thing was rather anti-social, so I decided to call Hackney 'Hackers' Council about it. Strangely enough, although they are quite forthcoming about insisting I pay my council tax, when it came to asking them to do something for me (i.e. clearing up the skins/needles/both), they denied all knowledge of my flat even being in Hackney.

Anyway, if you live in the Borough of Hackney and don't want to catch anything, I'd advise you to keep an eye on the pavements. Give it a few days until the syringes become embedded in someones shoe and are transferred to a more caring Borough.

'Hands-free'

It's happened again! I just went to pee, and this time there was someone already at the urinal, talking on his mobile. This guy was obviously a seasoned pro, as he didn't need a bluetooth, hands-free headset. No, he had obviously mastered the phone/bone-holding combo the old fashioned way.

I was desperately trying to pee loudly/fart in the background, just to highlight to his caller how disgusting he was, but I couldn't manage it.

At least this particular pest got caught meat-handed, as I heard him laugh later on (still on the phone) and say "Yes, I'm washing my hands".

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what we should name these urinuisances?

Or any stories of your own personal experiences with these people? Perhaps from a 'Ladies Toilet' perspective?

Loo-tooth

I'm at work and just went to the loo. As I started to pee in one of the slightly-too-close-together urinals, another gentleman came in (whilst I was mid-stream) shouting loudly into his mobile on one of those annoying Bluetooth headsets. It sounded like a business call, and he just started peeing alongside me while he was still talking. Obviously I was unable to stop, given that it's a nigh-on impossible feat for a man to do so, and I wasn't happy about having my widdle transmitted through the airwaves.

As he zipped up and walked off (still on the phone) I heard him shout "I can tell you're anxious" to his colleague. No bloody wonder, I thought.