Class Zero P

You may be surprised to hear this, but I hadn't originally set out to write a blog all about my adventures in trying (and often failing) to pee at work.

Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear that today's entry is no exception.

To give you some background information before you hear today's thrilling tale: the company I'm currently doing freelance design work for specialises in educational websites for schools. Recently all employees here had to undergo a CRB check with the police, just to make sure that we're not going to do anything nasty to any of the children who attend the conferences we hold in the NEXT ROOM ALONG and never actually talk to. Obviously this is very sensible, as it's a very unnatural scenario for an adult to be anywhere near a child, let alone when there's half a metre of concrete separating them.

As a result of all this, we were today sent an email asking that, until the police have completed their CRB checks , that we should, and I quote: 'please try to use the toilets upstairs for [our] own legal safety.'

Again, it is a totally unnatural scenario for people of different ages to use the same toilets, so I fully agreed with all of this.

Since reading the email I have been vigorously drinking as much tea as I can fit in my bladder, just so I can excercise the basic human rights of 'Peeing on the same floor as your office' (not literally, I mean in terms of where the loo is located in the building).

I suppose I should have been unsurprised when, after the effects of this frantic tea-drinking, yet another ceasefire occured at the porcelain. This was due to the kids' (female) teacher barging in to do a headcount, and finding no one in there. No one except for me of course, doing my best to pretend I could pee.