Taking the piss

It appears that the powers that be, who don't want me to pee, are at it again...

Not content with trying to ruin my flow by sending men into the urinals who are broadcasting my pissing to their friends via mobile phones, today I was faced with the ultimate challenge. As I unzipped, I heard someone on their phone approaching the urinals (which you'd believe was now the social norm, if you worked where I do). But today's ceasefire came with a twist: the person on the phone was a WOMAN!

Admittedly she was the cleaner, but all the same: Person of opposite sex in immediate vicinity + Audio transmission device = urinal as dry as a....err...as a urinal in the toilets where I work.

Aren't toilet cleaners taught the same basic equations we all were at school?

Anyway, what should I expect next time I've drunk too much tea? Nick Broomfield filming his latest documentary in there? Every surface in the bathroom replaced by a mirror? Germaine Greer standing behind me shouting 'Hurry up, I'm next in line'?

Can any of you suggest any even more 'impossible to pee in' situations?